Give Me Five

Intro:

When I was just a little kid and someone would hold out their hand and say, “Give me five,” I’d smack their hand with everything I had. I’d watch them shake off the sting and wait for the inevitable response.

“Boy, he hits hard!”

This is something my dad and I would practice at home. And he would actually instruct me to do it.

At that age, I thought I was just slapping someone’s hand really hard. I didn’t realize until later in life that my father was teaching me something much bigger.

I’ll explain what I mean by that soon. For now stay with me.

My parents were very big on my brother and I being able to defend ourselves and to stand up for others who couldn’t. They taught us boxing from a very young age, something that would come extremely in handy as I moved into my teenage years.

Anyone who knows me knows that I got into more than my fair share of fights growing up. Being a quiet kid, a skinny kid, and a kid who knew how to defend himself is the perfect recipe for a reputation like that.

Some were probably avoidable, but most came from moments when I felt like a line had been crossed.

From giving five like that as a little kid, to learning how to box, to eventually having to navigate confrontation, there was a message being reinforced throughout my childhood.

Let me tell you what that message was and show you how it applies to everything in your life for the entirety of your life.

Reflection:

The message is simple: How you carry yourself teaches people something about how they can treat you.

Looking back, I can see that my father was teaching me that lesson in two simple ways.

Giving five in such a way was about how I presented myself.

He wasn’t teaching me to smack someone’s hand as hard as I could simply for laughs. He was teaching me, in a way a little boy could understand, to have some presence. To be bold, to carry myself with confidence. To project strength rather than weakness.

It was the early childhood equivalent of teaching a young man to look someone in the eye and give them a firm handshake.

The boxing lessons built on that.

They taught me what to do when someone crossed a line. 

My father wasn’t teaching me boxing simply because he liked the sport. He was giving me the tools to protect myself, stand up for others, establish boundaries, and then be able to defend those boundaries when necessary.

Now, all of this may sound like “just a guy thing,” but for anyone reading this, understand that it isn’t about bravado. It’s about confidence, safety, protection, and respect. Vital things that apply to everyone.

Of course, they can be taught and expressed in many different ways. But for me, those were simply some of the tools he used.

And as I got older, I began to understand the deeper meaning behind those tools and put the lessons they taught me into practice, as I was meant to.

How you present yourself has implications in virtually every area imaginable. Long before we ever say a word, we are already communicating something about who we are and how we expect to be treated.

It’s in the way you dress. The way you look someone in the eye. Whether you show up when you say you will. How you take care of yourself. How you walk into a room.

Think about something as simple as taking care of your body. When you exercise, prioritize your health, practice good hygiene, and put intention into your appearance, you demonstrate that you believe you are worth taking care of. It becomes an outward representation of self-care and self-respect.

When someone can see that you care for and respect yourself, it communicates something about the standard you are likely to expect from them. It also says something about your capacity to extend that same care and respect to someone else.

Or consider something as simple as being on time. When you consistently show up when you say you will, you communicate that your word means something. You demonstrate respect for another person’s time while also establishing that you expect commitments to be taken seriously.

Now of course, how you present yourself doesn’t guarantee that someone will respect you immediately. But you can absolutely influence the impression you make and the expectations you establish from the very beginning.

The self-defense my father taught me through boxing taught me how to defend myself in all areas of life. It showed me that personal boundaries are only as strong as your ability to enforce them. Over time, I learned to apply that principle in ways that had nothing to do with physical confrontation.

As an adult, defending yourself is less about knowing how to throw a punch, although sometimes that’s still a necessary skill. Most of the boundaries you defend will never require you to raise your fists.

They instead show up in relationships, friendships, families, workplaces, dating, and business.

They show up in what you tolerate, what you laugh off, what you remain silent about, and what you repeatedly allow people to do without consequence.

When a boundary is tested. We either defend the line, move it, or show someone that there really wasn’t much of a line there to begin with.

What may seem like a small thing at the time gives people information about us, and eventually those interactions begin to form patterns.

And trust me, people notice these patterns. 

They notice how seriously you take your own word. They notice whether you speak up when something bothers you or repeatedly let it slide. They notice whether the standards you talk about are standards that you actually live by.

We tend to think that how people treat us is entirely up to them. And while their behavior is ultimately their responsibility, we often overlook the impact we can have on the dynamics of our relationships. Through the way we present ourselves, the standards we keep, and the boundaries we are willing to defend, we play a significant role in establishing what those relationships look like and what we allow to continue within them.

After reading this blog I invite you to consider what you might be teaching the people around you.

How do you present yourself? Do your actions reflect the respect you believe you deserve? Do you honor your own commitments? When someone crosses a line, do you address it, or do you remain silent just to avoid the confrontation?

Perhaps most importantly, are the standards you expect from others the same standards you consistently hold yourself to?

These are questions worth asking because the answers reveal something about the example you’re setting and the behavior you may be unintentionally encouraging.

Start paying attention to the messages you’re sending through your everyday actions. Be intentional about how you carry yourself, how you treat others, and what you accept in return.

Have the self-respect to set your standard and the courage to defend it, no matter what.

I consider myself very fortunate to have been introduced to these principles at such a young age.

Of course, I couldn’t have fully appreciated their significance back then. But it’s funny how something so simple from my childhood became something I’ve carried with me throughout my life.

And after all these years, each time I think of the lesson it still hits hard.

Just not as hard as I did as a little boy when someone held out their hand.

Action:

Follow these steps:

1. Examine how you present yourself

Look honestly at how you carry yourself. Your appearance, body language, habits, punctuality, and interactions with others. What do these things communicate about your self-respect and personal standards?

2. Identify what you’ve been tolerating

Think about your relationships, friendships, family, and work. Have you been overlooking disrespect, avoiding difficult conversations, or allowing people to repeatedly cross boundaries?

3. Evaluate whether your actions match your standards

It’s easy to talk about what you value and expect from others. But do you live by those same expectations? Do you keep your word, honor your commitments, and demonstrate the respect you expect to receive?

4. Establish a boundary and follow through

Identify one area where something needs to change. Decide what you’re no longer willing to accept, communicate it clearly, and be prepared to follow through when necessary.

5. Make self-respect a daily practice

Self-respect isn’t something you simply declare. It’s demonstrated through your choices, habits, and actions. Practice carrying yourself with confidence and standing by the standards you’ve established.

Take the Next Step:

If you’re ready to take greater ownership of your health and how you show up in life, I offer personalized health and wellness coaching to help you build healthier habits, strengthen your confidence, and create a lifestyle that reflects your personal standards.

The Intentional Man is an online men’s group focused on self-respect, accountability, and personal growth. Through meaningful discussions and actionable goals, we work on becoming men who live by the standards we set for ourselves.