Who Will You Be?

Intro:

It was a dark and rainy night many years ago, during a time in my life when I had no idea which direction I was going.

It was due to a life-altering situation that was occurring, and I felt isolated and confused about what to do next.

That feeling had been going on for some time, but during this particular night, the weight of it felt especially heavy.

I was by myself, and with nowhere in particular to be, I made my way to a bookstore.

I remember walking slowly through the aisles, surrounded by rows and rows of books, when something caught my attention.

One book was sticking out from the shelf.

Not sitting neatly in line like the others, but slightly forward, almost as if someone had taken it from the shelf, changed their mind, and never quite pushed it all the way back in.

It was a small book. Completely orange.

And across the cover was nothing but a single word.

Be.

I stopped.

Of all the books surrounding me that night, that was the one I reached for.

I pulled it from the shelf, opened it, flipped to the introduction, and began to read.

The first words were a quote:

“What we do in life echoes in eternity.”

As I read those words in my mind, I felt something instantly come over me.

It may have been the first time I really thought about the weight of a human life. That the things we do, the choices we make, and what we choose to give ourselves to can extend far beyond the moment we’re living in.

I purchased the book and drove home, contemplating those words the entire way.

As soon as I walked through the door, I was eager to start reading. I sat down and looked at the title once again. Be….But be what?

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want a direct answer when I opened that book again. Just like you probably do right now.

But what I found first were more questions.

That night, I couldn’t put it down. I continued reading until I came across an exercise the book asked me to do that I would never forget.

It asked me to think about what I wanted my life to mean. 

It asked me to write my own eulogy. 

And through that, I began to find my answer. 

Reflection:

At that time in my life I had never written a eulogy before, let alone one for myself.  

Think about it. To sit down while you’re still very much alive and write the words you would want someone else to say about you when you’re gone.

It’s a strange request. But a powerful one. 

I thought about how I’d want to be remembered, what I'd want to leave behind, I thought about what really matters in life. 

Until then, I had been so caught up in trying to figure out where my life was currently that I hadn’t spent much time thinking about what it would mean when it’s all over.

To this day, I’ve written two eulogies. The one I wrote that night, and one I wrote and read aloud for someone very special to me after their passing. And let me tell you, when the time comes for someone to read yours, they won’t talk about how much money you made, the achievements you achieved, or the possessions you possessed. 

They’ll talk about your character, your gifts, and what you brought into this world.

They’ll talk about how you loved, how you served, what you valued, and what you stood for. 

They’ll talk about the lives that were impacted because of you. 

They’ll talk about how you lived.

And a big part of how you live is revealed in how you choose to respond to adversity.

It isn’t easy, and I certainly don’t have it all figured out.

But I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of adversity in life thus far. Trust me when I tell you. 

Along the way, I’ve picked up a few gems. One of them was waiting for me on a bookshelf that night.

I couldn’t have known it then, but that little orange book had found its way into my hands at a time when I deeply needed what was inside of it.

Looking back, I’ve come to believe there are certain books we find at exactly the right time in our lives.

Or perhaps, in some strange way, they find us.

You see, that night in the bookstore, I was consumed with asking the wrong question: What am I supposed to do?

But I was getting ahead of myself. Before deciding what to do, I needed to decide who I wanted to be.

That is the takeaway here.

The eulogy exercise forced me to reflect on exactly that. It pushed me to think beyond the current circumstances of my life and consider the kind of person I wanted to be within them.

Did I want to be bitter or better because of the situation?

Did I want what I was going through to diminish me or deepen me?

Did I want to let what I had been given go to waste, or could I transform it into something meaningful, maybe even something beautiful?

It was then that I realized exactly who I wanted to be, not despite the situation, but because of it. And then I simply started being that person. Just like that, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

The thing to understand is this: Behind everything we do is the person we are choosing to become. And that is a choice we can make at any moment in our lives.

The person we choose to become influences the choices we make, the actions we take, and ultimately, the life we create and leave behind.

So if you ever find yourself alone on your own dark and rainy night, battling adversity while the question “What do I do?” tramples through your mind, ask yourself another question first.

Ask yourself: Who will I be?

For the answer to that question will undoubtedly guide your next steps.

Action:

1. Identify what you’re facing
Think about a situation in your life that has left you uncertain about what to do next.

2. Ask the right question
For a moment, set aside the question, “What am I supposed to do?” Instead, ask yourself: “Who do I want to be within this situation?” Consider the character, values, and qualities you want your actions to represent.

3. Write your own eulogy
Imagine your life has come to an end. Write what you would want someone who truly knew you to say about how you lived, what you stood for, how you treated others, and what you left behind.

4. Compare the two
Look at the person you described in your eulogy and the situation you’re facing today. Ask yourself: “How would that person respond to this?”

5. Start being that person
Choose one action you can take today that reflects the person you have decided to be.

Take the Next Step:

If this story resonated with you and you’re ready to take the next step, consider applying for my online health, wellness, and personal development coaching and or joining The Intentional Man, an online community for men committed to living with greater intention and becoming the men they choose to be.