New Year Same You

Intro:

Each New Year's Eve the world becomes obsessed with change. You can feel it in the air. A collective confidence that isn’t grounded. Conversations about what’s coming next. Not with decisiveness, but with assumption.

It comes from timing. From the belief that once the night ends, things will naturally be different. As if January carries some kind of magic. That the turning of a new year will soften resistance, open doors, and finally bring us change.

People stand still and wait. Drinks in hand. Music loud enough to drown out their self-reflection and accountability. Eyes on a clock, as if it’s a lever that will pull their life into a new direction once it strikes midnight. 

Waiting for permission.
Waiting for January.
Waiting for a countdown.

And when the countdown begins they feel a surge of certainty that doesn’t come from conviction but from the belief that the changing of the year will do what they would not.

Standing in a room full of noise and borrowed confidence, they make half hearted declarations. “This is my year.” “I’m doing things differently.” “I’m done being that person”

But their words are empty. 

They say these things not because something has shifted within them, but because of their willingness to believe that timing creates change. That waiting long enough is the same as actually choosing. 

The clock changes. The year turns. And the same habits follow them into January.

The same thinking follows close behind and the same standards trail them like a shadow. 

They imagined their old self would be left behind, but it wasn’t. It’s still with them carrying every excuse, every avoidance, and every compromise forward into the year ahead.

They wake the next morning as the same person they were the night before wondering once again, why nothing feels different.

The year changed. But they did not. 

Reflection:

I could write this blog talking about how change takes time. How it can't happen in a moment and how you won’t feel change instantly overnight, no matter what you do. And depending on how we look at it, I could make that work. 

But, that's too easy. That’s what we already think to be true. That's what we accept. That’s what we want to believe. And perhaps that's why it’s hard for many people to actually change. 

What if I told you that change, real change, does in fact happen in a single moment? Would you believe me? 

If you're an avid reader of my blogs or know me personally then you know I like to put a spin on things. So here it is: We’ve been taught to believe that change is a grandiose process. That it requires time, preparation, and the perfect set of circumstances. That change is something you slowly build toward once everything is aligned.

That belief is very comforting. And wrong.

Change does not happen gradually. The results do. The behavior does. The evidence does. But the thing that sparks it does not. And that's what we’re going to talk about here, the single most important thing to acknowledge before anything else can be done. 

Change happens in an instant. Period. It happens with a decision. This is the spark. This is “the change.” 

It’s the instant you stop negotiating with yourself. The very moment you recognize that something you’ve been tolerating is no longer acceptable.

Not later. Not tomorrow. Now.

It’s the exact second you decide you've had enough. That there will be no more. But you need to decide. You need to have a change of heart for real change to take place.

This is why so many new year’s resolutions fail. They are not decisions. They are hopes.

A decision draws a line. It establishes a standard. And once that line is drawn, you're no longer the same person. You are changed forever and there's no interest in going back. You simply can’t, because the version of you that would go back no longer exists.

A decision like this is final. It cuts off exits. It changes you. 

The reason change feels slow for many people is not because change takes time, but because they postpone their decisions. They never fully decide. Comfort dulls the urgency. And without urgency, the mind stays undecided. 

So people wait. They live in a constant state of just “wanting” to change.

They wait for motivation. They wait for the right conditions. They wait for another January to say they'll try again.

And sometimes people really do try. They put forth the effort. But they put forth the effort before the decision. They try to build change from the outside in, instead of realizing change is formed from the inside out.

You’ve actually experienced change in this way before, whether you realize it or not. Think of a moment something happened to you, a time someone hurt you perhaps. A lesson you learned pertaining to it. You may have said to yourself “Well, I’ll never do that again.”

That is change and it happened immediately. It happened in a single moment when you knew, without needing time to think about it, that this thing would never happen to you again. That you will not make the same mistake twice. It required only a moment of honesty and clarity. A moment where you stopped hoping, and started deciding. You didn't even have to ‘’try” to change, you just changed. That singular moment is the change. Everything after is just the proof that it took place.

Now, you could argue that this kind of change took time. That maybe you were hurt repeatedly, and it took multiple experiences to finally reach the point where you decided something had to change.

But many people experience something painful once and immediately learn from it. They don’t need repetition. They don’t need years. They see the lesson clearly and adjust. If that’s possible, then that’s where the idea that change requires time begins to fall apart.

What change is actually tied to is awareness. Your ability to recognize a lesson. Your willingness to extract meaning from an experience. And your capacity to decide who you are now and who you want to be moving forward.

Which leads us right back to the truth about change. It doesn’t happen because of time. It happens because of decision.

Therefore, If you want this year to be different, than wishing, waiting, and even working will not get you there. Not without an indefinite decision beforehand.

So, what I’m implying is that you sit down and confront yourself honestly.

Consider where others may still be hurting you or where you may be hurting yourself. The things you continue to allow. The habits and behaviors that are quietly destroying you.

Then consider the other side. Who you would be if those patterns stopped. How you would show up. What would become possible if you no longer negotiated with what you already know is costing you.

Feel both sides fully. The cost of staying the same. The reward of becoming someone different. Let yourself feel the full weight of it.

Like I mentioned earlier, without urgency the mind stays undecided.

So you need to create urgency. You need to create the feeling of a crisis. Sit with the truth long enough that staying the same becomes unbearable, and becoming someone different becomes a must. This will encourage decision and that’s what’s required. 

Because time is going to continue moving either way. The only question is whether you move with it or stay stuck in the same place year after year waiting for change that will never happen.

So before this new year begins, ask yourself honestly. Have you decided?

Not thought about it. Not hoped for it. Not assumed it.

But decided it, in your heart, with conviction, the change you say you want.

Because if you haven't.…..it'll be another new year and you'll still be the same you.

Action: 

Follow these steps in order.

1. Decide what ends.
Not what you want to start. What stops now. Name the habit, tolerance, or pattern that no longer gets to continue. If nothing is ending, nothing is changing.

2. Draw the line in writing.
A real decision becomes real when it’s externalized. Write down the standard you are now living by. Not vaguely. Not emotionally. Clearly as a line you don’t cross again.

3. Remove ambiguity.
If there is still room for negotiation, loopholes, or “we’ll see,” you haven’t decided. A decision that can be revisited isn’t a decision.

4. Build systems around the decision.
Conviction without structure fades. Structure without conviction collapses. Real change relies on decision first, then systems to sustain it.

Take the Next Step:

If you’re ready to stop guessing, repeating cycles, and starting over every January, I can help you build the structure that turns decisions into outcomes.

Apply for health and wellness coaching and put a real framework behind the change you say you want.

And if you’re a man reading this, you can also join The Intentional Man, an online men’s group built on discipline, standards, and accountability, not motivation.